Or a true story how the Major Pronin won against the Kuklumbar mafia. Dystopia It is a little history… Thirty thousand years ago, and maybe it is more (so long people don't live therefore it isn't possible to check this statement), once upon a time there was itself the nice country of Kuklumbaria. In Kuklumbaria lived a Kuklumbars, and their chief director, – as well as it is necessary, – too was Kuklumbar. At heart they people kind were the, planted different useful plants and parted everyone’s, not less useful, animals. But to their most favorite animals I was, of course a pig – here an animal useful in every respect! From a pork skin good boots, belts and a horse harness turned out; pork with potato and onions – well is simple an yummy; and here bacon – is in general poetry! Above all Kuklumbars loved fat and quite often, the truth for fun, used to say so: "For fat not a sin and the homeland to sell!" But actually they loved the homeland, and in principle so especially to sell anybody it and didn't gather. About it they told the following: "Well, hi! Here we will sell the homeland: and what, behind fat then to neighbors we will go? Well isn't present, – pipes! Neighbors after all can not give fat …" As for questions of social and cultural life, Kuklumbars liked wide trousers from red or blue silk, and also the white shirts embroidered by multi-colored threads. The Kuklumbar girls and women too carried such embroidery, but here instead of trousers put on beautiful multi-colored skirts and wreaths with color ribbons. There were all of them people cheerful, liked to sing and dance, drinking a little, and preferred sweet beet moorgeist from which for the morning the head didn't hurt at all. The Kuklumbars knew a secret of preparation of this drink, but anybody about it wasn't told – let the head hurts neighbors and enemies! The main musical instrument they had a pundura which except opportunity to play on it had one more remarkable property – if to throw it into water, she well swam and didn't sink. Actually, the Kuklumbars plainly also didn't know why their country so was called: someone said that such name came from the word "flowerbed" to which then added the letter "ku" - the pier, say, lies near a flowerbed, means – Kuklumbaria. And the flowerbed really was – and in each yard and in all public places. There was it because Kuklumbars very much loved flowers – especially sunflowers and cornflowers. Thus didn't confuse them at all that sunflowers were meter to growth, and cornflowers – what tiny. The main thing – that color would be suitable, – yellow-blue, blue-yellow, well than not beauty? Kuklumbaria's inhabitants were admired by the flowerbed and cried with affection – here such they were kind and touching! Once the Main Kuklumbars Wise man thought of a question: and after all indeed, – why their country so marvelously is called? It brought together other wise men, and all of them went together to the Main Kuklumbar – there can be he knows the how and why of things and why? The main Kuklumbar had a rest just on the top of a shock from hay after a nourishing traditional lunch (by tradition kuklumbars ate beet soup with bacon, bread and garlic soup), listened to a twitter of larks, lowing of cows and thinking on further improvement of the country. Arrival of compatriots as always pleased him, he smoothly slipped from the bed, embraced guests and with pleasure told: "Yes that you to me all were healthy, my dear! Sit down all in a circle, we will eat pie with a horseradish and to speak about the imperishable!" The main Kuklumbar was the person educated, wrote verses, is skillful to read and play on a pundura. As all important people in shadow under a shock took seat, – kuklumbar wives were polite, the husbands respected and right there took away children to be played somewhere far away a tall weeds, – kuklumbar wise men asked the question: "And tell us, the Main Kuklumbar why our country so is called?" That made the surprised face, scratched two second in a nape of and answered: "And the horseradish knows his mother!" Kuklumbars wise men obviously were delighted to such substantial answer and briskly started talking: "And after all indeed – a horseradish he precisely knows everything! A horseradish – it after all to all the head. Without horseradish wouldn't be a horseradish here! Ouch yes a horseradish, ouch yes well done! And horseradish mother – and even above all..." And so on, and so forth, – all the matter is that in Kuklumbaria the horseradish was held in big high esteem and was considered as nearly sacred plant. As kuklumbar wise men calmed down, the Main Kuklumbar looked at them, make a serious face and with a clever look told: "Everything at us, of course, well. But as I will look, guys, – isn't present in our kuklumbar economy of a full order in affairs. Well to take, for example, our flowerbeds: they, at us, of course beautiful and here only all different, – at someone round, and at whom and rectangular, and at some in general an unclear form. It is necessary to improve somehow to us these things – that, as they say, our coat of arms and other symbols were a uniform form. Then the order will be in the country and an eye it will be more pleasant to look at our regalia". "Correctly!" – confirmed kuklumbar wise men and began to discuss vividly a question, – "The flowerbed should be made round, and at the edges – sunflowers". "And how to be with cornflowers? – the Art Kuklumbar Director asked, – "You about harmony of flowers don't forget! The harmony has to be in everything!" Then the Main Kuklumbar Wise man told, though isn't really sure: "Well, then we will put cornflowers on the middle …" "So after all then because of their sunflowers it won't be visible at all" – other kuklumbar wise men objected. The Main Kuklumbar make the surprised face, scratched in a nape of second three and told: "And we will look at our flowerbeds from above!" Kuklumbar wise men were delighted to such wise answer and joyfully cried: "Correctly! And after all indeed – if to look from above, everything even very well turns out. Ah yes Chef, ouch yes well done! Was lucky us with the administration, the word of honor!" Main Kuklumbar blushed from pleasure and important answered: "But, but, but – you, it easier, easier. I after all there … grovel… don't accept everyone … Let's think better, where to put our main regalia – a plate with bacon". Here the Art Kuklumbar Director put in a word: "One plate it will be obviously small, is I authoritatively declare to you, as the artist. It is necessary to take more dish, – best of all copper, and to put in the middle of it an aluminum basin with fat. And round it to spread out sheaves horseradish leaves – here then everything will become on places and the coat of arms will turn out normal". "Correctly!" – with chorus answered kuklumbars, – "Ingeniously! This will be the coat of arms that is necessary – at anybody such isn't present! All neighbors will go mad with envy!" Kuklumbars slightly was again didn't burst into tears from affection, but the Main Kuklumbar Wise man stopped them: "So that it so, but all the same something isn't enough …" And here the Main Kuklumbar, as always all quickly thought and placed in places: "And we than will eat fat? Hands? Ugly, unhygienically and not nicely. A spoon somehow badly – it not mashed potatoes and not macaroni. And here a fork – just right!" The Art Kuklumbar Director reflected here: "It that, of course, correctly. Yes here only there is unresolved one serious question: and how many our fork has to have teethes – two, three, four or five?" The Main Kuklumbar looked at the hand and answered without reflecting: "Well here to guess: of course, five!" And again kuklumbars admired the chief and chorus started singing: " Ah yes Chef! Well done! And still he knows it! And everywhere it he visited!..." And so on, and so forth, – all the matter is that the question of quantity of teethes on a fork was not only political, but also economic, social, mental and sacral. Here in such easy and simple way, – simple as all ingenious, – kuklumbars also resolved the main issue: what has to be the coat of arms of their remarkable country. With a flag too problems didn't arise – let there will be it the same heavenly color, as well as cornflowers, and same gold, as well as sunflowers. Business remained for small – now it was necessary to think up the anthem of the nice country of Kuklumbaria. Here the Main Kuklumbar again interfered with business, – actually, to whom as not it, to deal with this issue: "Well, all of us love music, on a pundura we play, in a tambourines knock and we play the pipe a fife. But the anthem – business serious, and here to us not to do without the Chief Composer". All ran on searches of the Chief Kuklumbar Composer, – the benefit of veins he nearby, on the fringe of the forest, as was the person creative and very much loved silence. He composed just the new symphonic poem which was called "A breakfast in the wood" and told how valorous kuklumbar the husband all night long hunted on a boar, and then – broads!, hit it and fried on a spit. Then there was a big holiday – there was a lot of fat, onions, a moorgeist and dances; the holiday began in the morning and ended deeply after midnight. In the head of the maestro music sounded, he drew majestic musical pictures on a musical camp, wrote notes quickly and widely, leaving sometimes big blots. His eyes shone with happiness, he hummed something in a low tone, a thin high pitched voice, a baritone, a bass – depending on what he wrote party. And on a table the page by the page laid down the score of fine music which then the Big Kuklumbar symphonic orchestra in Big Kuklumbar opera theater had to execute. Having heard noise in the yard, he wanted was to go outside yes to swear – a pier say, rustle here, don't allow to work to the creative person. But having seen crowd in a window the kuklumbars wise men understood that business serious and solved with the people how much in vain doesn't quarrel, and went outside, gave polite bow and courteous told: "Hello, kind brothers my kuklumbars. Than I am obliged to your so representative visit moreover to an afternoon?" The kuklumbar wise men was a mouth opened to state essence of a question, but the Main Kuklumbar Wise man was ahead of them: "Silently! I will tell … Business of the state importance – we need the anthem of our favorite country of Kuklumbaria!" "And all that?" – the Chief Kuklumbar Composer thought about himself and silently was delighted, – and he thought that the people came behind the report on its last work which was called "Summer on an apiary". Work was already almost ready, but to the author as the final part wasn't given – here the bee swarm gemmated, hung on cherry, here beekeepers amicable ranks tired out it in a new beehive … And where deification of the final how to finish the symphony? Perhaps, to compose the oratorio or a choral? Well! Now from knows that it is necessary to do – just here and its old practices will be useful for the Kuklumbar anthem. Therefore in hearing he told: "Anthem, my friends, business serious. Here we should meet together everything and properly to think". "Correctly! Right!" – with chorus kuklumbars answered, – "Here give gather yes went!" The Chief Kuklumbar Composer was the person big, good-natured and cheerful and therefore with a smile I told: "And that to me to gather? The mouth closed – yes went". Kuklumbars frostily laughed as understood the maestro's hint, and that pulled down the big straw hat and something singing, moved after the talkative colleagues. Soon they again met under a shock: the sun already drooped, the heat ended and air was filled with evening freshness, larks returned to the nests, cows with shepherds is lazy gathered in herd, and kuklumbar wives with children went on houses, to make for husbands a traditional dinner – tasty pork roast with vegetable salad, mushrooms and cold milk. As all seated in places, – who on a rick who on a cart and who and it is simple on the earth, – the Main Kuklumbar told: "Here, we called you, dear our and favorite Chief Composer that you composed the anthem for our nice country of Kuklumbaria. The anthem has to be beautiful and solemn, and, above all – not as at neighbors that got. There are at you ideas in this respect?" The Chief Kuklumbar Composer slowly took off the wide-brimmed hat, important coughed in a fist and began the speech: "As you probably know friends, the anthem is a work symphonic and as any similar work has to correspond to musical rules …" Kuklumbars approvingly hooted: "Good fellow, our composer! It at us clever and competent! He knows everything! Neighbors will simply be stunned by envy when hear our anthem!" When the people slightly calmed down, the composer continued: "And so, the symphony goes back the roots to the following dances – an allemande, courante, to a sarabande and a gavotte instead of which can sometimes use also a zhiga. The allemande – is a dance of average speed, two quarters in size, with lack of syncope’s, voice-frequency and melodic contrast. Similar works were usually written in a minor, were very monotonous and in my opinion for the anthem are suitable a little. The courante – newer dance in comparison with allemande, in it voice-frequency modulations and rhythmic drawings already began to appear, but the size in three quarters is suitable more for a waltz, than for the anthem. The sarabande – obviously minor music intended for execution on a funeral and, certainly, doesn't suit for our purposes. The zhiga – very cheerful sailors dance, well such ridiculous and amusing that it too doesn't suit us. Most closer to the solution of our question there is a gavotte – dance cheerful, not really fast and the accent is the share of a strong note, not that at our poorly educated neighbors from Pitugaf..." Having heard a mention about the neighboring country which kuklumbars, we will softly tell, slightly disliked, they very much quickened: "Yes where to them to us! They in music understand nothing, strum on the mandaloyka, and trousers at them wrong – green in a white strip". "All right to you, brothers to abuse pitugafs. Let live to themselves as lived, – us after all they don't touch. Let's solve, what music to choose to us for the anthem" – the Main Kuklumbar summed up. Then the Chief Kuklumbar Composer told: "I think that as a basis for our anthem it is possible to use our favorite dance prygunets. I hope, all will support me especially as I already prepared the orchestration for our symphonic orchestra". Here kuklumbar wise men chorus began to wail: "Right! Correctly! Grandiosely! Ingeniously!" and again wanted to burst into tears from happiness. But the Main Kuklumbar stopped them: "There now and perfectly, my friends. And now welcome to a table – we after all have to celebrate our holiday. After all, today we had an anthem, the coat of arms and other regalia. Now – we big, beautiful and dear country". And our kind kuklumbars went for dinner to the Main Kuklumbar Tavern to celebrate the new remarkable holiday. Yes … The people of Kuklumbaria were appeasable, – let there will be Kuklumbaria, than badly? If only we weren't touched and not prevented to be lived to us. So passed 33 thousand and 333 years, the people of Kuklumbaria lived in clover and pleasure, and didn't feel that the big trouble approaches – near kind and naive Kuklumbaria there was a wild and artful and mean country Pitugaf… (to be continued)