I’ve sat on the grave, so old and forgotten, I've thought of that one who was dead. The shining sun has hid behind the clouds As I am looking at that somber bed. The autumn leaves are rustling in the wind But I hear that sound no more. His feigned words of love are ringing in my head. Of what there was before. The life embraces me with its killing hands, My salvation is out of reach. I’m staring into the eyes of fate, It’s awaiting me to beseech. All pleas in vain, so I won’t plead Nor I won’t yield to it. For after all it will be broken, A little sandcastle that I built… 22 December 2004

What do you feel: deep love or hatred? What’s in you heart: interminable wrath or pleasant joy? And if this life is just a theater where we are playing, That means all feelings are a mere ploy. But don’t be sad, this world is tremendously changeable, And every day can bring you wonderful surprise. And I don’t believe our life is a theater, Through everyone has their personal disguise. You’re interested what’s in my heart and what I’m feeling, I tell you that the precious love has settled down in my heart. And as for me I always want to be sincere, And I’m sure love is real art.

Why do we love so ardently and blindly? Love is the source of faithlessness and pain: And unexpectedly it comes, not kindly, But from all wishes love’s the main.

I found it on my way to you The truth of what we are. Two little drops that flowing near But yet they are so far. You didn’t let me enter in your heart And closed the door to it. There were no other ways to you… Why did fate make us meet? Sweet but cold were your embraces, And still I preferred to lie. I lied myself that you needed more time, And that time went quietly by. The one you loved still lives in your memory, The one that broke your heart. This is the truth you have to comprehend For now our ways come apart. 20 December 2004

The twilight was gathering around me Until at last I lost my way. I was wandering between the worlds I was forgotten by the light of day. Along the path the stars were twinkling; They grew on bushes that were intertwined and bent. I tried to touch one but I burnt myself; The sharp pain pierced me and I understand what it meant. The enchanting charms vanished; I felt the stare and then I saw the eyes of a beast. There was no chance to be left alive. I knew it… It wanted me to be his feast. I opened wide my eyes to see my death. But something bright flashed right in front of me. A moment later I watched the fight; I even forgot that I wanted to flee. The fight was long; it seemed to last forever. ‘Twas getting hot; the wrath filled the air. Then I heard the beast’s cruel howl. The Angel lost his light, so bright and fair. The fear evaporated from my soul And I was overwhelmed with rage. I torn off the star and thrust it into the beast. I sent it to the hell, his cage. I sat beside

The curtains fell, the pink glasses were broken And all my hopes were crashed by the wall of reality. The innocence’s been lost and the sin’s been awoken Death can be bliss, while hope’s exhausting I’m trying to catch the last glimpse of eternity But I’m too mortal for it. Wandering in the garden of dead souls, I feel every moment I live. If Life is so frail, where is its keeper? There is only oblivion - hopeless, but nice We desire true love, but who can get it? All we could is to give, for love is our eternal sacrifice. [Is there True Love? Maybe it’s only our sweetest dream, our blessed lie in this huge whirl of life, which makes more bearable this hurting reality. But yet it’s dangerous, and in many cases incurable… it’s our unsatisfied need, our deepest secret, our killing grief and the most desirable joy, but is there any truth in Love?]

I looked in his eyes and saw That they reflected the gleaming stars. I perceived what he was hiding in his soul Which was filled with the unhealing scars. The burning pain of treason was still alive And there was nothing to believe in. He buried dead hopes to find the love Before him only sorrow could be seen. I took his hand and led him Through the dark enchanted tunnels of the past. He revealed to me what he feared, I showed him the love could last. ______________________ Every pain is the better reminder of what we are. It makes us start to look for truth. We can find it in faith, in our closest friends or in love. Just believe that you won’t always loose.

I shall not find the shelter in this world And I’m seeking it in vain; The tide of time is passing by, What makes my dreams be so insane? Walking between the graves I wonder Whether we were born to die. Or maybe there is another world…. But we still have to live in lie. We are betray’d by our friends And by embrace of unfaithful lovers Tears are flowing down our cheeks And falling onto the withered flowers. How to find the sincerity in a frivolous smile? Is it possible to change the unchangeable fate? I avoid loving, I’m scared of it…. Because it’s what I’m too afraid to forfeit… My role is to live but I have failed… [The 26th of November 2004]

The dying stare, the stare of death Was in her eyes; and whole her face Was very pale, Without any drop of blood. She was a goddess for her god. But she was frail. The dying sigh, the sigh of death Was nothing more but plea for breath. She was refused. Without him she was forlorn Her heart was tortured and torn, Her soul was abused. She lost a gift, the gift to live; She burnt her wings to be with him And got his love. But bliss was short; Oh, feigned bliss! And with first rays, and sweet last kiss Her soul soar’d like a dove.

I came to the ocean’s shore. I looked at the water and felt The ocean’s neverending beauty That stretched far beyond my sight. “What hides in its depth?” – I thought And I touched the surface of water. “But who am I to know its secrets?” “You’re the one that I’ve chosen, my daughter!” I looked around to see who’d spoken, But nobody could be seen. Great wonder and awe filled my heart, And I asked: “Oh, Stranger, What do your words mean?” “You were born, my precious Siren, To be immortal one. I’ll reveal to you my ancient secrets That are hidden from the light of the Sun.” So I perceive the mystery of the ocean, And I became his soul and his child. The ocean was my source of wonders Where all the answers I could find.

The rain is falling On my palms; I feel it. Forgotten touch, And forbidden kiss. Where is the truth In the land of treason? Where is the one About whom I miss? I’m walking blindly Between the rocks, I’m trying to catch The glimpse of the sun. I hear the voice Singing above But I cannot guess Where it’s begun. Nothing…. I can’t stand it to hear it. Never…. It’s insufferable to be there. Infinite emptiness… I’m running to nowhere. Where are you? To save me? It’s the last chance, I feel it. I barely here I’m nothing But shapeless ghost, Where is my body That I have lost? You’ll give me light It is my dream. You are my home, But it’s unseen. I’ve come to the end. It’s the end of the rock. Away I will fly To my land. But in your hands My heart’s still locked.

Вой волка одинокого в глуши Разорвал безмолвие ночи. Среди стаи он был не как все; Белый волк был совсем другой. И задумчиво выл на луну, Но не знал он той скрытой причины Что заставила его скитаться одному Среди белоснежной пустыни. Ночь. Далекие звезды мерцают. На снегу свет луны искриться. Был тут волк, скитался и с тоскою Смотрел на безбрежные пространства. Тишина опять. И на склоне Видна лишь цепочка следов. Впустую думал он, как освободиться От опутавших его незримых оков. И что же это в сердце за томление?! Одиночества тихое безумие И будет он блуждать, ища потерянное Блуждать во тьме, выть в полнолуние. А тайны тайнами останутся И не узнать никому их значения Волк так и будет жить в скитаниях, Жить, не зная своего предназначения. 2 Марта 2005г.